Poetry: Sorrow

   
                                                                     SORROW 

I never did allow myself completely to you,
Perhaps I knew whatever this was it was never true,
Putting one foot before the other,
I guess I made the needed choice for my heart,
Although the deep being in my soul longs to let go full of myself to your embrace,

Careful my dear, those sweet words may fade with time,
And you'll be left with nothing but empty hope,
Look what is shown to you rather than said,
Because actions speak louder than words I once read,
But I think that's impossible when you were there for me,
all the time,
Yet,
you were confused if love was what I deserved,
Maybe I was just a mere leisure for your manly selfish needs,
Or maybe you thought it would be alright to make use of another being,
To then just throw them away,
Like garbage into the landfills and yet it can be recycled,
Except a broken heart, which is nothing like that,

I've never felt so small in my life, Or stupid,
As I got entangled in your wicked games,
I'm starting to hate you, although I've never used hate in my life before,
At times I feel that's it's going to be alright,
But at times I just need this to end,

This feeling of betrayal, anger and frustrations is becoming unbearable,
As if the scabs over this broken heart are scratched over and over and over again,
It never seems to heal no matter how hard I try,
Holding back my tears every single time a memory of you crosses my mind is too painful,
Not because I missed you, but what we did together,
Sometimes the very thing that makes you happy, is the very thing that breaks you

I miss your soft touch on my skin,
And those warm kisses on my neck,
As much as our spontaneous meet ups,
And random gestures,
Yet, in those every touch, it felt untrue,
Like it wasn't done with an honest intention,
Temporary pleasure is what I deserved perhaps,
I'm not like the other girls you dated,
Just so you know,
I think I've told you this way before,
Remember that day you handed me that Rose,
Yes, indeed something whispered we are never going to make it,
Should have listened to that voice,

But I had always been brave,
Wanted to feel what it was like to fall in love,
Was it really like how they say it was in the movies,
Or was reality another side I didn't realize,
How silly of me to yearn for the love of another man,
Disregarding the ones that truly did love me,
Was I blinded by seduction,
Or was it just an experience I wished for, There was a time I wished upon a star,
To know how does heartbreak feels like,
Though the pain is excruciating,
It is that wish that I wouldn't take back,
Never,
For that was what thought me self- love,
And nothing in this world is permanent,
Except true happiness found within

The loneliness creeps into my veins sometimes
When the doors are closed and the lights are down,
How nice it would be to share my day's woes and merries with you,
Or just to lay beside you in silence after a long day,
I did imagine that, indeed it was serene,
But then I remembered how you left me, alone,
nothing,
but only your murderous words,
Echoing inside my head,

Will I ever have the strength to forgive you,
Or will I accept you back into my life if you ever came back to me,
God knows,
Sometimes second chances are too risky when there's only one life we own,
But if I ever did take you back,
Will you leave me again?
Oh silly girl,
Did he ever want to come back?

Listen,
It's a mad world out there,
Children are homeless and hungry,
Women are raped and thrown away like wastes,
And yet you sit here, mourning for the love of a man that never loved you?
Wake up sweetheart,
You have only just stepped onto a thorn on the  green grass laying before you,
When there are rocks and rivers ahead that you will have to cross,
to get to the other side.

By Jessica John Posko❤️