Poetry: Try

                                                                     Try



I'm not made of stone,

It hurts,

Just in case you thought I was okay,

Since I've been inivisible to your eyes all these while,

What difference does a heartbreak make to you anyways,

Maybe you've been hurt in the past,

Lost yourself in confusion and anger,

Fell into the wrong hands of time,

But, ironically, so did I,

You think this mind wasn't manipulated of poisonous thoughts,

and this body wasn't blemished,

How narcissist of you my dear,

For my heart has been scarred in ways that yours didn't,

Secrets I long to tell you yet still afraid,

Because the very trust that I gave to us,

was the same trust that got broken

Why would you hurt me this way,                       

When you knew I was honest and true,

Giving my time when it was scarce,

Sharing my space with your presence,

Pouring my love into your empty heart,

Providing comfort to your sorrow,

Maybe, just maybe,

You thought I wouldn't feel it,

If you took but didn't give,

If you said but didn't do,

But wait, 

Perhaps you did,

Gave me pain when I never needed it,

How kind of you,

I remembered laying on your lap,

As you gently stroke my hair,

I felt solace for the first time,

Closed my eyes for a bit just to tattoo it to my heart,

Because I was gripped with fear of evanescence,

For whatever I held so dearly,

Always seemed to slip away,

We used to take bus rides home,

and you'd ask me to lay my head on your shoulders,

Talking about anything and everything,

I miss that,

These little things you might have erased,

would've meant nothing to you,

but were the world to me,
I should have known better,

It feels normal to cry everyday under the shower now,
I feel better that way,
Feeling the warm sprinkles on my tired skin is somehow soothing,
As it washes away your fingerprints,
and cleanses pieces of you from my mind,
Sometimes,
It's so overwhelming, that breathing almost becomes too difficult,
when I suddenly remembered that night you said "Í didn't love you",
those agonizing words echoes in my ears over and over again,
I wish no one ever felt what I felt that very night,
just so unloved,
crushed to my very bone,

Don't you laugh when you're happy,
The same way I do,
and don't you weep when you're in despair,
Like how I do too,
So then my dear,
What nerve you might have had to do that to me,
Merely emotionless, filled with apathy,
Shall I call that ego or plain inhumane?
Because never in a million years,
did I ever thought someone was this despicable,
You lost me that night,

Used to love listening to the tunes of songs,
Now the words bring more meaning to it,
I finally understand what they were singing about,
That tears wet my cheeks without warning,
Amazing isn't

At least you cared, 

Slightly,

Or that's what I tricked myself into believing,

It still aches, 

despite trying ignorance as an escape,

and creating distractions as relieve,

I've miserably failed,

To cut away your weed-like memory vividly growing,

in my uncared garden of hope,

I'm trying,

Still trying.....


By Jessica John Posko 💗